Elder brother of The River Salmon.

The way I grade games:

1.0 – 1.9 : If this site ever gets to the point that we start reviewing everything, we may just run into a few of these. They may be so bad that doing a review of them just isn’t funny anymore, and they are the absolute worst media streams we’ve ever dealt with. Probably hard to justify calling a “game”.

2.0 – 2.9 : This game stinks. Probably good for a laugh but not much else, and the review won’t take them seriously.

3.0 – 3.9 : Barely tolerable, may have some slight redeeming quality that makes for a good minute of forgettable fun.

4.0 – 4.9 : Somewhat a proper game but lacking any real fun potential. More interesting and fun than 3.0 – 3.9, but not much. Games that were fated to never be finished, but still have what we will honestly tell you is nothing more than a working demo, are an example of this level of lack.

5.0 – 5.9 : It crept out of the protoplasmic pool a true game, yet was never correctly handled in development, or it was just a bad idea to start with. Nonetheless, the game play is there to an extent. You wouldn’t pick it up unless you didn’t know any better, but it may obtain a niche cult following for some reason or be pushed by the designers into a (hopefully) better sequel in an attempt to rescue the idea and make it useful.

6.0 – 6.9 : This game has a solid foundation and isn’t all bad. It is out-competed by a half-dozen of its close genre cousins, but may have enough unique personality to warrant a mention in a news post, even if it’s only because it caused an outcry. It is quite playable, and for some, may be entertaining for an extended time. It may have a highly entertaining character or a set of ridiculous options for slaying things that help it sell well enough for a sequel (what might I be referencing here?). Good for purchasing out of the game store’s recycling bin.

7.0 – 7.9 : Games in this range are average. They may be heavy copycats of something else, they may be lacking polish but still be fun to play, or they may just not have gone far enough-a good idea not quite within reach of its zenith. These games frustrate me, because you know there’s a lot of excellent potential wasted. Or, they’re just bad games that were tweaked until they were too entertaining to pass up completely. Whatever the case, they make the grade and are considered within the realm of normal purchasing persuasion. Fans of the genre who don’t mind some rehashing or weirdness should definitely take a look at these.

8.0 – 8.9 : This game is good. It surpasses previous expectations, and is certainly worth at least renting. Games of this caliber usually have great game play, yes, but they also often have some distinguishing characteristics that make them stand out heads above the rest. They have artful, intelligent design elements-graphically, in their story/characterizations, music, game play elements, and/or sheer personality. These games are a force to be reckoned with, and will obtain classic status in many cases-at least among fans of their genre. Always check these out if you’re even remotely interested.

9.0 – 9.9 : This game reached deep down into my chest, gripped me by the heart, and would not let go. I sat enthralled for hours enamored of the sheer excellence I was witnessing, and may or may not have ignored basic life necessities in order to keep playing. Games like this come along only rarely; depending on the type of game, they may have incredible production values and ingenious design, or be so well made, so absolutely excellent a specimen, that within their genre they are foremost. Either way, everyone who plays games absolutely must give them a chance, aside from the die-hard haters of the game’s particular type. Actually, even they should.

10 : I’ll be honest, nothing gets a 10 except my own personal “best game I’ve ever played”.
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We’ve a whole scad of reviewers, so we can only hope all the games will get a fair go. While I personally am very concerned with “grade inflation” and giving too many games good scores (it should all be relative, so most things should be around 7.5 during any given year, since this is the AVERAGE), I will always give good scores to games that obviously deserve it. I realize also that we will tend to review most of the best games and forget the rest, but we should at least be able to say that given game play footage and adjusted critical reaction, we could reasonably assume that the majority is at the “7.5″ mark, the top of the bell curve.

As time passes, we have to slightly ramp up our rigor in grading, because things will tend to get better on average. I’ve seen too many review sites and magazines hand out high scores to nearly everything, with the net effect that a new average is established somewhere in the 80th-100th percentile but where one’s ability to tell which games are  better falters due to differences of tenths of a point. I want this not to happen here. Hopefully my comrades can agree with me on that. All games will be graded in light of what’s come before them, and in light of how they compare: A. to every other game at the time overall, and B. to all other contemporary games in their genre(s). Therefore, classics and new-wave hits alike would be scored similarly (should we begin to score old games), depending on how good they were at that point in time. Yes, you can tell with some certainty how good something was in the past-all you need to do is compare it to its contemporaries, and/or to remember how it made you feel even though you played so many other games alongside it.

My favorite games:

RPGs

Chrono Trigger

Final Fantasy 4, 6, 7 and 8

Earthbound

Diablo 1+2

Everquest

Super Mario RPG

World of Warcraft (vanilla is best)

Tales of Symphonia

Ultima 9 if it wasn’t so buggy

Star Ocean

Mass Effect

Arcanum

Darklands

Wizardry 8

Morrowind

Simulation

Wing Commander 1-3

Mechwarrior Series

Strategy

Ascendancy

Command and Conquer: Red Alert

Master of Orion 2

Myth 1+2

Worms

Civilization 3

Stronghold

Homeworld+Cataclysm

Strategy RPG

Disgaea

Final Fantasy Tactics

Shining Force Series

Platformer

Oddworld 1+2

Sonic the Hedgehog 2+3+Sonic and Knuckles

Mega Man x4

Cave Story

Banjo Kazooie

Chelsea and the Seven Devils: Bunny Must Die

Ducktales on the original Nintendo

Rocket Knight Adventures

Donkey Kong Country

Flashback

World of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck

All metroidvania games up to and including Order of Ecclesia

Eternal Daughter

Kirby’s Dream Land

Super Mario 2+3+World+64

Fighting

Smash Bros. (mostly the original)

Virtual On

BlazBlue

Clayfighter 63 1/3

Side-Scrolling Fighter

Odin Sphere

Battletoads

Simpsons Arcade Game

First Person Shooters

Half Life 2 et al

Goldeneye

On-Rails Shooters

Star Fox 64

Panzer Dragoon Series

Over-the-Shoulder Shooters

Gears of War 1 and… maybe 2

JET FORCE GEMINI

Side-Scrolling Shooters (Shmups)

Ikaruga

Rayforce

Fantasy Zone

Adventure

Zelda: A Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Twilight Princess, original gold cartridge, Link’s Awakening

Secret of Mana

Shadow of the Colossus

Ecco the Dolphin Series

Heroes of Might and Magic 1

Outcast

Puzzle Adventure

The Dig

The Myst Series

Puzzle

Bejeweled. (And therefore PuzzleQuest)

Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine

The Incredible Machine

Bust a Move Series

Timing/Rythm

PaRappa the Rapper

Um Jammer Lammy

Action (and all permutations thereof)

Kingdom Hearts Series

Onimusha Series

Survival Horror

Resident Evil 4

Silent Hill

Racing

Mario Kart Series (sans Double Dash, that piece)

Rush Series

…and more to come soon